For those new to the world of BDSM, or even those (like me) who are not new, but have never done a checklist, I am proud to show you the BDSM Checklist!

These are extensive, often quite long lists of potential BDSM activities. They are often used for Doms and subs who are going to play for the first time, as it's an easy way to figure out what each one likes, doesn't like, and absolutely won't do (limits). You can also use them if you're getting into a new relationship, or you're in an old relationship and thinking about incorporating some BDSM into your dynamic. You can even use it if you're single, to help understand yourself, your desires, and your limits better.

These checklists are great tools. Some are online and others are hard copies meant to be printed, but they all include the same basic idea. You circle how interested you are in each activity, and also whether or not you've done it. These lists are a great way to start a conversation about kink and what each of you wants and the role it will play in your relationship. You can use these as a conversation starter and as a way to quickly and easily identify your partner's limits and desires.

Just remember, there are two kinds of limits:

• Hard Limits: There is no way you will do these, and your partner shouldn't even ask you to. You're very clear that this is something you absolutely will not do, no matter what.
• Soft Limits: You really hate this activity, and would strongly prefer never to do it, but you might be open to it eventually with some time and work. If this is really important to your partner, you are open to considering it.

You want to be clear what are hard limits and what are soft limits. For example, for me right now, vaginal rape is a hard limit. It scares me too much and reminds me too much of past abuse in my life. This wouldn't be fun, or sexy, or even dangerous in a good way, but simply wreck who I am inside and show me my Dom could never be trusted. On the other hand, anal fingering is a soft limit for me. I hate it, and would never, ever want to do it on my own, and honestly it completely grosses me out. But if my Dom just really wants to do it, as long as he understands I hate it and would prefer not to do it, I'm willing to shut up and let him do what he wants. For me, that is the difference.