It's critical before the start of any scene that the participants have a conversation about and agree to, what will take place, which is important to keep ALL parties safe. Topics to discuss include finding out each other's previous experience with BDSM – is it their first time or have they been caned until they can't sit down many times. If they are experienced, what are their likes and dislikes – some of the most extreme masochists don't like their nipples being gently squeezed while others will hang weights off them.
Negotiation is aimed to give a certain order to BDSM scene especially when things are quite new to both partners. Here is one of the examples of the issues that can be included in a negotiation form on a forthcoming BDSM scene. Of course, a negotiation form is an individual thing and you may well variegate sections and suggest to make it more detailed. This is only a suggested format! Develop a checklist or negotiation form that works best of the needs of you and your partner.
So what are those salient features of the agreement between partners?
- General information about your partner
- Name (nickname)
- Age
- Marital status
- Address
- Participants
- number of participants
- observer (if any)
- Roles
- Top/Dom
- Bottom/Sub
- The way of addressing the other
- Master (Mistress)
- slave
- pet
- others
- Psychological needs
- humiliation
- pain
- verbal abuse
- control
- embarrassment
- mind play
- Outfit
- sensual wear
- fetish attire
- costumes
- undressed
- erotic jewelry
- other preferences
- Sex toys
- Vibrators, dildos, anal toys
- BDSM toys:
- Bondage(cuffs, rope, spreader bars, suspension devices, harness etc)
- Sensory deprivation (gags, blindfolds, hoods, masks)
- Discipline devices (paddles, floggers, nipple clamps, cock rings, chastity devices)
- Sexual preferences
- anal sex (including rimming, anilingus)
- fisting
- masturbation
- oral sex
- no sexual intercourse
- kissing
- Health concerns
- allergies
- STD's
- contraception
- general health problems
- medications taken
- medical aids
- safety measures
- Time, date and place where the scene will be held
- Limits
- Physical limits
- Psychological limits
- Marks
- Acceptable
- unacceptable
- Safe words
- Safe words for slowing down
- Safe words to stop the game
- Non-verbal signs
- Experience
- For top
- For bottom
- Materials
- leather
- metal
- tape
- rope etc
- Type of play:
- Bondage:
- Bondage positions(standing, lying, suspended, kneeling, etc)
- Parts of the body restrained (anckles, hands, knees, elbows)
- Level of immovability
- Discipline (spanking, flogging, hot wax play, pain play, cock and ball torture etc)
- Sensory deprivation (gagging, blindfolding, ear plugging, mummification)
- Knife play
- Blood play
- Fire play
- Hot wax play
- Role-playing etc.