Queer. Feminist. Submissive. Rope Slut. These are a few of the words that I embrace as part of my identity. As a queer-identified person I've always been more aggressive around my sexuality.
If you are queer, you are queer no matter who you are having sex with and you are engaging in queer sex because it is part of your identity. If you are a kinky rope slut, that is still an element of your identity even when engaging in vanilla sex. If you are a feminist, you are engaging in sex-positive feminist bondage because this is a part of your identity and you are aware of, embrace and are ultimately in control of the sex you are having, the BDSM you are taking part in, and are able to engage in and play with power structures because of your strong sense of self.
I knew that I didn't want what other girls wanted. Instead I wanted other girls. This was catalyst for me to be active in my sexuality and my identity rather than being passive and following the ebb and flow of the world around me in small town Ohio. My sexuality and identity were always something that I had to fight for and to educate others around. It was part of my politics. My aggressiveness in my queer identity translated to an aggressiveness in my claiming my submission and at the same time a profound freedom in rope bondage. I have a deep desire for intense sensation. Just as some desire the light touch of a hand grazing across their body, I desire the deep thud of a 2x4 and rope hugging tight across my breasts restricting my breath and bringing me closer to orgasm.
"The rope wrapped tightly around my body. So very tight. I could feel in that rope every bear hug that I ever gave my cousins and kids on the school yard. Bear hugs that were so tight it could send them running. Send them into a fit of tears. So tight like I would grab on to my teachers leg in 1st and 2nd grade not wanting them to leave for the summer. So tight when I was a 6-year-old girl, I would grab onto my father and sob for him not to leave. Hold on tight. I could smell the scent of my father's sweatshirt after work that would linger with rope fibers and leaf bits, the touch of his callused hands and the bristle from his bearded cheeks. I felt those memories those scents, wrapped tightly around me. Biting into me. It felt safe like home. I would never let go and neither would they. I felt secure in their presence, in the rope.
It was like falling in love fast and hard . There was some pain involved as your body manipulated itself in this hold to adjust for another being. But the entire time you know that it will hurt much more to part with your lover,the rope. That it will break your heart to exist with out its presence. It was comforting. A place of warmth and security. A place that I believed in, that I belonged to. And I never really wanted to leave."
Why do we engage in rope bondage as a tool within D/s? Why is it fascinating and erotically stimulating to engage in power exchange and to disassemble power structures that have been put in place by a social normative? We are breaking the rules. As queers, as feminists, as kinky persons, and sexual outlaws we have always been breaking the rules. Going outside of the designated sexual norms as we search for connection, community, and fulfillment in our sexual lives and identities. Our sexual selves were not handed to us so we have eroticized the disassembling of traditional power structures and protocols and have built our own to use as our sex toys.
In the relationship with one in which I serve, rope is used as a treat or a reward for good behavior. In this way rope is largely used to gain power of me as a submissive and to motivate my behavior. I know that if I do as I'm told I will be rewarded with rope. I'm a rope fetishist and get off on the scent, the touch, the taste, the bite of rope. I often think of rope as a fine wine and a personal fantasy of mine is to attend an event structured as a "rope tasting" similar to a wine tasting. I'm still waiting for this to happen, so if one is assembled please do send me an invite.
Rope can also be used in order to engage in sadistic and masochistic pleasures by inflicting "pain" on the the submissive. Examples of which could include quick and painful suspensions that are not meant for sustainability, tight nipple bondage, and predicament bondage situations . Take downs and strict bondage that pushes the body to extreme situations( such as extreme back arching) can be quite painful, challenging and absolutely delicious options for using rope within power play.
I knew from the time that I started socializing with other children that I was different. And I knew that education and the arts were my ticket to a larger community of people where I may find connection. By high school I had convinced my parents to release me into a performing arts school in downtown Cincinnati to study theater. I was determined to find connection and community and a sense of self amongst the chaos of art. And although there was some struggle along the way, I did find what I was looking for.
On a stage cracked open in front of hundreds of audience members. Stripped away of all ego and left open and vulnerable we learned how to allow for connection with other performers in front of an audience. How to share energy with one another. We learned what it meant to be centered, grounded, to be in our bodies and out of our heads. We learned how to be a conduit for art and energy and how to allow these things to run into and out of our bodies, our mouths our finger tips. How to create art with a purpose, how our actions are loaded with intention and purpose.
I take these simple lessons with me through life in everything that I do, yoga, tantra, service, submission,sex, masochism, rope play, writing, teaching, and performance.
I've taken it upon myself as a mission to embrace my queer feminist self and my submissive rope slut self and to share that with the world and the way that these two worlds coincide.
Sex-positive feminism embraces the entire range of human sexuality and bases itself on the idea that sexual freedom is an essential component of women's freedom. BDSM is based around power and sensation play with a strong emphasis on communication and consent. Submissives engaging in this kind of consensual sexual activity are validating their sexuality through the act of their submission and at the same time taking control and embracing their sexuality.
"I made my way to the locker room. Clothing soaked and sticking to my flesh. I peeled off my layers onion bits. Layers of determination, hard outer shell of armor protesting a soft bodied vulnerable creature. Purple splotches, green & yellowing thumbprints & finger marks raised & red tiger stripes across my chest up & down my thighs worn proudly like a badge of courage, like a flag, while the other women in the locker room stare and whisper to their friends.
I concern my doctor. She is worried about the bruises. She is worried that maybe this is not consensual. This is most definitely consensual.
Leaning against a bedpost, ass jutted out and begging for a thick wooden 2x4 piece of lumber to come crashing down on my eager porcelain flesh. My hands are generously tied with fragrant jute rope in front of me so that I might hold the vibrating Hitachi against my sopping wet cunt. The 2x4 comes down in a thunderous smack against my ass. Deep hard thud. So deep and so hard that I feel like the flesh of my ass might swallow the long wooden implement and be absorbed into my bloodstream. "Thank you Sir" I scream out in ecstasy. Vibrator pressed tight against my cunt, heart racing waves of orgasmic warmth rush through my body sent straight from Josh's wooden stick that is hitting one solid home run after another. My body boils with pleasure, overcome with pleasure. Greedy & needy for even more. Driven to insanity. I am a madwoman crazy and wanting for just one more hard strike of the 2x4, hard & firm & reliable. A stable dependable thud that has my pussy dripping desire down my spread thighs. Just one more rush from the lumberyard. One more crashing down. Please I will do anything for just one more for my insatiable cunt that will always be screaming for just one more. Yes. Yes this is consensual. "
Many think that submissives are weak, that they feel like they have done something to be punished, but this is a misconception. Submissives can be strong powerful wo/men who wish to set aside or to give their "power" to another person. Submissives are willing to make themselves vulnerable and open to experiences and to serve and give something back to both the community and to the one(s) they serve. Their service and education can result in both personal growth and community development. Submissives are there to better the lives of others and in doing so this also enriches their own lives. Submissives are there to express gratitude, to make the one(s) in which s(he) serves look good, and to be a role model within his/her community.
In serving a dominant, the submissive is not only serving the individual but is also given an opportunity to pay respect to a leather history that has existed for decades. The greater the understanding a submissive has of this history the more layers and depth that are attached to any single act of submission whether it be a caning, service, following protocol, or experiencing the wrath of a punishment—which is an indicator of not only disrespect or willful disobedience to an individual but to a community and to a history, to something that is much larger than ourselves.
"I wished I could disappear & was thankful for the inviting darkness that the blindfold brought. I was led downstairs to the dungeon, and placed on a suspended table which was disorienting and difficult to balance on without sight. I awaited my first punishment on all fours. Presenting my ass. Rope biting around my chest, under my arms, pressed up against my rib cage attempting to take over my breath and lead me into submission.
I would hear at later events that there was quite the line that formed. Everyone wanted their turn. Flogs, paddles, hands, straps, belts, clamps, clothespins, men's & women's mouths and implements. I gently cooed and replied with a "Thank you Sir," "Thank you Ma'am." Changing positions presenting my chest, my pussy, rotating to give onlookers a better view. I stood in difficult stress positions squatting balancing, blindfolded. Head spinning, chasing after the texture of voices in the room. Negotiations with Josh as he would hand me over to the next participant each politely asking "If this is too hard, could I go harder?" "If it pleases you Sir." "You seem like such a good girl," they would say. "What could you have possibly done to deserve this punishment?" "I'm not at liberty to say, Sir. I'm sorry Sir."
Over the knee and ass out, pussy out, head high. I followed the words like light, like butterflies. I let the sensation wipe through me. The sensations of seasoned leathermen and dominants and newbies who were shy and nervous. You would think they were under the whip.
I could feel a community around me young and old, SMers, experimenters and swingers. Each with a different stroke, a different touch. Polite and grateful for taking part in my punishment and I imparted my gratitude to them.
Mr. Royal approached whispering in my ear. "Just one more and I'll take you home."
"Thank you Sir."
This swing was familiar. The cane struck my ass, that had already started to bruise with hours of punishment. But I welcomed this touch. His touch.
Count and show me you're sorry.
- I'm sorry Sir. Please Sir forgive me. 2. Sir, I'm so very sorry Sir, I will be more mindful of my behavior Sir.
- Sir, I'm sorry Sir. I will only show the greatest of respect to us and our protocol Sir.
I felt tired and broken. Worn down but at the same time fulfilled. I felt an unselfish pleasure from a job well done.
"You did good tonight Maddie. I'm very proud of you. You made a lot of people very happy.
"Thank you Sir." "
In one's journey of submission one acquires certain skill sets that are valuable in their daily experiences within BDSM and service. One concept and skill set that is useful is being familiar with visualization, the use of breath, the concept of energy and charkas, what it means to be present and in ones body and the ability to release. These are all concepts that I came to know before having much experience in BDSM. My interest in tantra, yoga and the arts all heavily influenced the way that I approached BDSM and submission. An example of using these skill sets would be; the one in which I serve is gifting me with energy as s(he) is caning my feet. I feel my feet heat up with energy. Energy in the color of red, purple then blue. I allow the energy to melt up my calves, my thighs and drip into the well of my cunt where it churns and then is released in breath or in orgasm, if I am allowed. This is how submissives can do things such as cum from a caning or a whipping or the intense sensation of rope during a suspension.. It is simply a redirection of energy that is entering the body.
D/s; playing with power and trust in an erotic way
To completely give oneself over to another, to serve another, to embrace obedience like a lover, puts a submissive into a vulnerable and humbled state of being that is safe, warm, and comforting, a womblike environment. To be keenly aware of your sexual desires and of others and to act not only in a selfish manner that will result in your own orgasm, but to fully connect with another person and be fully dedicated to their pleasure. An excitement waves over me following rules, partaking in protocol. I can feel the desires and rules that have been set for me rubbing up against my body like fragrant rope. An internal bondage that sets me free that allows me movement to test and taste the sweetness and meaning behind each rule, each ritual.
"His ropes will bite in to me causing me pleasure & pain. He will find my buttons to push and it won't take him very long because he knows me. He knows how I work and he has read my manual & I am a simple toy to play with. And soon I will learn that our BDSM play isn't entirely for me or my pleasure. I will learn about compromise and service. But not yet not like this."
Rope
I often personify rope. It is my lover. My special treat. I try not to become too greedy for its fragrance, its bite, its taste that lingers in my mouth. Within rope I find home. The tighter its embrace, the more I coo as I float off into cotton candy sweetness. I am freed from my body as I embrace the space around me, a clunky piece of equipment that I'm forced to drag around on a daily basis. Rope allows all of who I am not, all physical and mental restriction to slip away and leaves only the core of my being. Only my most vulnerable and truest self cracked wide open for a genuine and profound exchange with the one that I serve.
My experiences within BDSM and submission have enriched my life and given room for me to feel on a deeper level. I embrace my submission and feel empowered and humbled at the same time by these experiences. I feel that any woman who is embracing her sexuality and actively pursuing genuine pleasure for both herself and her partners is participating in a form of feminism.
" - What do you love more than anything, slut?
- Rope, sir.
- Rope will only be given to you here as a reward. You will have to earn it. Do you think you can do that slut?
- Yes, sir. I will do my best, sir.
- That's a good slut. "